Friday, February 18, 2005

actual label instructions on consumer products.

on a blanket from taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

on a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

on a taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

on the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

on a new zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

in a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

on a japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

in some countries, on the bottom of coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.

on a packet of sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

on a sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

on a bag of fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.

on a bar of dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

on tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

on marks & spencer bread pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

on a korean kitchen knife -
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

on a string of chinese-made christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

on a japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

on sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

on an american airlines packet of nuts -
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

on a swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS.

on a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

on some frozen dinners -
SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.

on a hotel provided shower cap in a box -
FITS ONE HEAD.

on packaging for a rowenta iron -
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

on boot's "children's" cough medicine -
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

on nytol sleep aid -
WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.

on a casio calculator -
ACCURACY NOT GUARANTEED.

on a chrysler boot lock -
DO NOT LEAVE KEYS BEHIND.

on a jensen car stereo -
WARNING: Loud music can cause deafness

on jenkyl's children multivitamins -
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
donkeywentsurfing at 11:38 AM

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